Tuesday, January 31st, 2006

I can write the saddest lines tonight

Write for example: ‘The night is starry
and they shiver, blue, those stars, in the distance’

The night wind turns in the sky and sings

I can write the saddest lines tonight
I loved him, sometimes he loved me too

On nights like these he held me in his arms
He kissed me greatly under the infinite sky

He loved me, sometimes I loved him too
How could I not have loved his huge, still eyes

I can write the saddest lines tonight
To think I don’t have him, to feel I have lost him

Hear the vast night, vaster without him
Lines fall on the soul like dew on the grass

What does it matter that I couldn’t keep him
The night is starry and he is not with me

That is all. Someone sings far off. Far off,
my soul is not content to have lost him

As though to reach him, my sight looks for him
My heart looks for him: he is not with me

The same night whitens, in the same branches
We, from that time, we are not the same

I don’t love him, that’s certain, but how I loved him
My voice searched for the breeze to reach his ear

Another’s kisses on him, like of mine he used to be
His voice, his bright body, his infinite eyes

I don’t love him, that’s certain, but perhaps I love him
Love is so brief and forgetting lasts so long

Since, on these nights, he held me in his arms,
my soul is not content to have lost him

Though this is the last pain he will make me suffer,
and these are the last lines I will write for him.

I hope you've noticed your time is almost up.

I've taken off for vacations - as I told you that day -, but it seems to have been pointless so far. Nothing I was expecting for has happened as planned. Nothing at all... so far.
But at least it's good to be out of the office and stop checking mails every morning, with the hope to hear from you.
As you told me once, I thought I was over you. In fact, that seemed quite possible just one month ago.
But things didn't happened as planned. They never do, actually. And I'm getting sick of it.

My mind is so full of so many questions with no answers...

How are you?

Where are you?

Who are you with?

Do you ever miss me?
Do you ever think of me?
Do you remember our deal?
Do you still care about it?
Did you ever care about it?

Will you let our feeling die?

Will you let me behind?
Have you already let me behind?

Do you ever take a look at our pictures?
Do you ever listen our music?
Do you still recall my face, my voice?

Does the feel of my skin remain in your touch?
Does the print of my lips still lie on yours?

Did the smell of my hair blow away from your nose?
Did your chest forget the weight of my head?
Did your tongue lose the memories of the taste of me?
Did your body forget its perfect fit over mine?

Did I ever mean anything for you?
Perhaps this is the only question whose answer I've always known.

But, still

Too many questions without answers.
And we are running out of time.

But I don't want to let you go. I just can't.
I don't want to miss you (either).
I still need you
I still love you
More than ever
Please, I set you free once.
And you came back to me, as I knew you would.
Because I knew you'd become the man I wanted you to be.
And then again, I've set you free for the second time.
Because I wanted for you to release your soul, freely...
Can you understand?
I did because I loved you and I wanted for you to be happy.
I wanted for you to realize where your happiness were, and I wanted for you to realize it was
with me
I wanted for your free will to make the decision of being together, not just agree with me to please me, as you've always have done.

was I right?

Now, come back to me
I couldn't have been so wrong.
We belong each other, as you said once.

Otherwise,
You will love me forever anyway
but alone